The People Verses…
By Laura "Loopy Lamb"
Once again, Mascot Monthly find ourselves in increasingly far-flung locations in search of such elusive celebrities as The Pillsbury Doughboy, well-mannered Dean The Dragon or, as last month, probing the soft underbelly of Rainbow’s Bungle whilst he was awaiting trial at the Crown Court for offences of ‘Road Rage’.
In this case through, one cannot help but feel a shiver run up the spine
as the doorbell of this plush penthouse suite chimes ominously. This, in case
you are unaware, is the home of Murray (who claims to need no surname),
long-time mascot for the band Dio. Fresh from a photo-shoot and sporting dark
sunglasses to conceal his blood red eyes from view, Murray asks, well, more sort
of, commands, one to sit down, a testament to both the strong presence that has
graced album covers for almost two decades, alongside countless tours for the
Anglo-American band Dio. Not to mention his size. Yes, his sheer size is
imposing. At twelve foot tall, with a chest size not even Anna Nicole Smith’s
bras could encompass, it is safe to say after sharing his company that many
pampered Hollywood stars would happily give over their entire fortunes to employ
this guy as a bodyguard.
But other than these facts, there is very little we actually know about
Murray. He remains the one true enigma in all of mascot history, and every
month, Mascot Monthly receives literally hundreds… well, alright, a couple, of
letters from enthusiastic readers begging us to do an interview with this mascot
maverick.
So, Mascot Monthly have handed this one over to the readers. Armed with
floods of questions; some informative, some challenging, others just plain
bizarre, it’s time for Murray to face off with his fans…
·
How did you first become involved with Dio?
(R. Blackmore- Long Island)
Murray:
(Scratches his head in contemplation)
Christ, that was so long ago- what, seventeen, eighteen years? But you
know what? I remember it… not exactly as though it was yesterday, but
certainly as though it was three weeks ago. Wendy Dio had advertised in
‘Stage’ magazine for a mascot to model for the first Dio album [‘Holy
Diver’, released in 1983]. Now, I don’t read ‘Stage’. I’ve always been more
chiefly concerned with more, I suppose more ‘cerebral’ ideals, but a friend
of mine sent my photograph off for it. We had a bet two days ago and I’d lost,
so this was my penance. The photograph itself wasn’t all that flattering, if I
recall correctly. It was from that year’s holiday so consequently, I was
wearing Speedo trunks and a pair of shades and, well, I looked a bit of a prat,
to tell you the truth. So, imagine my surprise when Wendy contacted me back in
’83 and asked me to bring along a portfolio to an interview. As I didn’t
really have a portfolio to bring along, I expected to be turned down instantly,
but they really went for my look! I’m presuming I perhaps came across as more
‘real’, for want of a better word, than the make-up caked, former
Barbie-doll-mascots that had littered the audition chamber. My first job was
modelling for the ‘Holy Diver’ album cover. I’m telling you, you need
muscles of steel to hold that position for five hours!
·
What was your first foray into the world of mascot work?
(D. Bailey, London)
Murray:
To be honest, it was with Dio. I’d never been into modelling before
that- I actually studied at University and became a practising gynaecologist for
about five centuries.
That, of course, was before my stint as a
stunt double for the Minotaur in the labyrinth, back in the days of Ancient
Greece. But that bored me, because by the time I filled in for the part, that
precocious git had figured out the advantages of carrying a ball of string in
your back pocket. (He pauses a moment in contemplation) Well, there was the
small matter of… well, I was young and needed the money… you certainly
won’t hear me talking about this anywhere else (he laughs nervously). In my
youth, I did do a few glamour shots- nothing too seedy, but enough to get banned
in Utah. I recall getting paid enough to pay for rent on an apartment with some
friends at Uni. so it wasn’t that bad, and I think I met Carmen Electra’s
great, great, great grandmother there too, if I remember correctly… But yeah,
I suppose you could say the closest thing to modelling I’d ever done prior to
Dio is available in a back issue of ‘Big Boys In Boots‘, which I’m sure
your publishing house still runs today.* Shortly after that incident, a Japanese
pornography studio offered me considerable wages for some film work, but I
turned them down very quickly, thank you very much! I do have some shame, though
I admit, not much! (laughs)
*(Mascot Monthly and it’s sister publications do not condone the perusal of such magazines as ‘Big Boys In Boots ‘. Mascot Monthly is a family journal and as such, does not choose to influence its readers as to their choice of magazine concerning the theme of soft-core pornography and/or any subsequent material deemed to be instrictively of a sexual nature, sold under our own publishing house, or any other. Never the less, ‘Big Boys In Boots ‘ costs only £19.99 for a yearly subscription, and is available from most newsagents.)
·
You have been working with Dio for almost eighteen years now- What do
you consider the high point and low point of your career?
(R. Nixon, Washington DC)
Murray:
Wow, there have been so many high points, but I think my most memorable
has got to be during the Last In Line tour, where I got a couple of my mates to
chuck underwear at the band. Clean underwear, you understand- it was a joke.
Trouble was, my mates, though they’re female, they are in fact larger than me-
it’s one of those things characteristic of my species. The garments looked
like lacy hammocks- one even got trapped between the lighting rig and nearly
cause a fire hazard! I’ve never seen them look so nervous! (laughs raucously)
My lowest point was definitely getting chucked off the ‘Sacred Heart’
album and tour due to health problems. At the time, I remember being livid at my
treatment at their [Dio band] hands because of it. But then (he sniffs) my
health was deteriorating, mainly because of the lines of cocaine I was snorting
at the time. Well, the cocaine consumption wasn’t the actual problem, come to
think of it. A ‘friend’ turned me onto it, you see, and it did nothing for
me. But he’d cut the stuff on an old coffee table, you see. I distinctly
remember it was pine, with a glass table-top. ‘Course, when I began to inhale
a line, I’d ingest at least seven hospitality tables at a time. That was the
real addiction. I was up to thirty seven items of furniture a night by 1985,
even including three piece suites with leather upholstery. I kept sneaking
around to furniture warehouses, looking for my next fix, until I eventually
realised I had a problem, and booked myself in for a spell at the Parker Knoll
Clinic, in 1986. I tell you now, I’ve never had a problem since, but even so,
I keep my house strictly in garden furnishings, just in case. I never visit
Ronnie [James Dio, vocalist in the band Dio] at his home because of it. One
brief relapse, and I’d have thousands of pounds worth of old English dressers
floating in my bloodstream.
·
How do you think Dean Dragon fared as your replacement during that time?
(O. Osbourne, Birmingham)
Murray:
(Snorts derisively) Hmph, you really want the answer to that? How an ex
bloody drama student can ever have the balls to do the job I did, I’ll never
know. Sure, I saw the ‘Sacred Heart’ cover- Dean looked about as frightening
as Little Jimmy Osmond… well, maybe that’s not such a good example, ‘cause
‘Long Haired Lover From Liverpool’ scared the crap out of me. You get the
idea anyway. So he roared a bit and had lasers, big whoop. It was the real deal
with me- always has been, always will be. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on the
guy, but he effectively took my job, and it does gripe a little… But honestly,
he left because Jimmy [Bain, bass player in Dio] tried to inhale him, so I’ve
heard. Who hasn’t been sniffed by a drunk Scotsman at least once in their
life, hmm? He just didn’t have the stomach for it. (Shakes his head) Still,
he’s happy now, I’m happy now, so lets just forget it. Suffice to say, I
wasn’t too happy about the whole situation at all.
·
Why do you actively display antipathy towards religion?
(J. Paul, Vatican City)
Murray:
I don’t. I actively demonstrate antipathy towards priests.
·
What was it like growing up as a twelve foot monster creature with blood
red eyes and chamelionic skin in Berkshire?
(C. Lao, Tokyo)
Murray:
Hmm, interesting question. I remember my first day at mainstream primary
school didn’t go down too well. Every time the teacher told me to sit down,
I’d end up with one of my classmates stuck between my armpit. I got picked on
too, y’know, the usual kids’ stuff- ‘red eyes’ and so on. Anyway, this
one kid, David, I think his name was, tried to pick a fight with me. He kept
flicking paperclips at me with his catapult, trying to rile me. It worked, and
we squared up after school outside the bike sheds. I think it lasted about
fifteen seconds, and the ambulance people were trying to chisel him off the wall
with a scalpel and the plates from the E.C.G. machine. Guess I didn’t realise
my own strength.
Anyway, after that the teachers and my parents decided it would be in my
best interests to send me to a school for the gifted in Westchester, New York,
where I graduated and gained my degree in histology and gynaecology. There was a
high-school reunion a few years ago… you wouldn’t believe the sorts of
things some people are doing now. I suppose you get some pre-conceived notions
about people, then to find them working as psychic defenders of the universe…
ahem, sorry, thinking aloud there.
·
Murray, how can you justify making a living from being in league with
Satan, you blood-sucking, parasitic, evil monster with the eyes of a lecherous
alcoholic?
(B. Graham, Utah)
Murray:
Less of the alcoholic, thank you!
[MM- How did this one slip through the net?]
Don’t worry about it. Just give me the person’s name and address, and
I’ll see to it I answer their grievances personally…
·
What is your favourite book?
(A. D. Foster, address supplied)
Murray:
Well, when I get a chance to read, I enjoy a
lot of the works of Edgar Allan Poe and Dean Koonts, though I do believe they
stereotype the image of the non-mortal such as myself somewhat.
A particular favourite of mine is ‘Frankenstein‘ by Mary Shelly, as
it seems to encompass a lot of the important life messages to me. I don’t care
for Agatha Christie at all (To ‘MM’) Are you reading ‘Murder On The
Nile’? I’ll save you the bother- the woman’s lover did it and he was
knocking off the gaffer’s old lady at the same time. Well, not exactly the
same time- I think that’s a bit too kinky for Agatha Christie, but you get the
idea.
Although I have to admit, I’m quite partial to a bit of Danielle
Steele. Particularly with a good red wine sauce (laughs).
·
What other projects will you be working on in the future?
(R. J. Padavona, California)
Murray:
At the moment, I’m working with a nice couple called Dan and Lav in
guarding their little sanctuary called the Dio Keep. It’s a nice place with
very little furniture around, so I don’t have to worry about any old habits
dying hard, if you get my drift. (Sniffs) As for any long-term projects, I’ll
hopefully be working with Ronnie and the band for the next album- I mean, I’d
like to, but it all depends on whether our schedules clash. You know how it is.
In the meantime, I’m going to publish my first book of sorts. It’s a
kind of retrospective of my photographic work, both in front of and behind the
camera. There’s some interesting stuff I’ve pulled out, right back to the
really early days where people had to do engravings of me (chortles with the
memory), as well as some ancient Greek work painted on pots, which I suppose now
made a pretty penny- it’s just a pity I didn’t see any of it!
Still, you chalk these things up to experience, don’t you? The book is
mainly comprised of photographs as a result, but there is a commentary running
through it, to help the reader place it all into some sort of historical
context. So, please go out and buy a copy, guys- I need a new golf course, and
Long Island’s got my name on it, ha ha!
Murray’s
new photo-book, ‘the Demon Without’, is priced at £16.99 and will be
available on the 4th of July at all good book stores. And probably
most really bad book stores as well.