The Guitarist That Ate My Band- Part Four
The Story So Far: The year is 1978 and it has marked some of the greatest changes in the not-so-young Ronnie James Dio’s life. Not only has his new close friend, Jimmy Bain, been brutally seen too (not in the biblical sense) by Ritchie Blackmore, but Tony Carey has also been despatched. So it isn’t all bad news then. But perhaps the most life changing event has occurred outside the band, for Ronnie has recently married Wendy Dio, nee Murray, the mysterious General Practitioner who perhaps holds the key to unlocking his strange, inexplicable anxieties that have arisen of late…
Principle Cast:
(as before, but with the following additions)
Bob Daisley- Mark Addy
Guest Cast:
Roger Glover- Sean Connery
Anne Robinson- Herself
CUT TO:
Scene Forty-Six: The camera’s first shot is of Ronnie James Dio gagged and tied to a chair. The interior appears to be a church of some description. Outside, a thunderstorm is running wild. Church bells ring through the thunder as a shadowy figure walks towards the camera. Lightening strikes, illuminating his features. It’s our melancholic mate, Ritchie Blackmore, whose eyes appear to have gone a mysterious shade of radioactive green.
RB: Well, Ronnie, here we are…
A small, cute dog scampers towards him, yapping. Ritchie Blackmore kicks it out of the nearby window, and it yelps upon taking flight. Ronnie James Dio winces, for he is the good guy of the piece and therefore has a love of all small, cute animals.
RJD: (through a mouthful of fabric) Um umgh um umh.
RB: Sorry?
RJD (more loudly) Um umgh um umh.
RB: Sorry old chum, didn’t quite catch that (cups his hand to his ear in silent gesture for Ronnie James Dio to repeat his words)
RJD: (impatiently, eyes bulging) Um umgh um umh!
RB: (shrugs defensively) Well, if you’re going to be like that… (blushes in realisation) Ah. I see.
Ritchie Blackmore removes Ronnie James Dio’s gag.
RB: Sorry- silly old me, completely slipped my mind…
RJD: (as he gets his breath back) What do you want?
RB: Hmm (strokes his chin), what do I want? I fancy a change. Whilst all this overwrought, mystical hard rock with classical undertones may be touching the hearts of critics, pot-heads and Arts students alike, something’s missing. (grabs Ronnie James Dio’s chin in his hand) Do you know what that is, Ronald James?
RJD: (tiredly) No, I don’t. Furthermore, why the hell have you tied me to this chair?
RB: So you can see my brainchild unfold, my dear boy!
RJD: (interrupting) But I’m older than you, so calling me ‘boy’ doesn’t have quite the same impact…
RB: (ignores him) Allow me to demonstrate.
Ritchie Blackmore hoists an antiquated looking contraption, rather similar to the one used in the film of H.G. Wells’ ‘The Time Machine’.
RB: I want to convert this, (plays a section from ‘21st Century schizoid Man’ by King Crimson) into this…
He places the LP that has been removed from the stereo into a slot on the contraption. Some strange noises occur, and out pops another LP. Ritchie Blackmore, smiling like one who has just discovered the secret of alchemy, places the LP on the stereo turntable and starts to play it.
RJD: (fearfully, as ‘Waterloo’ by ABBA blares out of the speakers) Noooooooo!
RB: Yes! (claps his hands in triumph) My glorious creation lives! (pauses in thought) I shall call it ‘The Pat-Boone-Annizor’
RJD: (lowers his head, but eyeballs Ritchie Blackmore) What has this got to do with me?
RB: (grabs Ronnie James Dio’s chin again) Can’t you picture it, Ronnie? Up there on stage, screaming girls waving underwear of varying degrees of titillation as you sing…
RJD: (warily) Sing what?
RB: (pauses for effect) Something starting with ‘baby’?
RJD: (like a man asked to betray his branch of the secret service, allow his wife to roger his bank manager and give up his copy of ‘Tomb Raider’) Never!
RB: (turns his back) We’ll see. There are plenty more short-arsed, big voiced singers who look frighteningly younger than their years here in Connecticut.
RJD: You don’t mean…
RB: Yes, I’ll give Joe Lynn turner album space (pauses, shrugs his shoulders) Your choice. (stares intensely at Ronnie James Dio) Join me Ronnie- you know you can’t leave. Either that, or…
Ritchie Blackmore steps back to reveal a glowering Anne Robinson (ex alcoholic journalist, ex Watchdog presenter, now of ‘The Weakest Link’ fame) staring back from the set of ‘The Weakest Link’
AR: So Ronnie, with one vote from an extremely handsome and well- endowed guitar player…
RB: (interrupts, nudging Ronnie in his chair) That was my bit!
Ritchie Blackmore looks across at Anne Robinson, raises his eyebrows and licks his lips. She returns her famous seven-stage wink at him whilst Ronnie James Dio vomits discretely on the floor. Ritchie Blackmore grins and folds his arms again. Ronnie James Dio looks at him with raw fear.
RJD: (to Ritchie Blackmore) You truly are depraved!
AR: You are the weakest link- goodbye.
RJD: Nooooo!
CUT TO:
Scene Forty-Seven: Hotel room at night. Ronnie James Dio sits up in bed, sweat dripping from his forehead in true Hollywood fashion. The lighting, naturally, is dark, but with a blue tint, in keeping with the previous statement. His breathless panting slows to regular breathing as he realises that it was all a dream. Wiping his brow, he still wears the look of a troubled man- more so now, for his movements have woken up his wife, Wendy Dio.
WD: (groggily) What on Earth’s the matter sweetheart? (pause) It’d better be good to wake me up at this time in the morning- basic human rights dictate that I should never have to see an alarm clock at this time of day.
RJD: (still shaken) Oh God Wendy, it was horrible!
WD: (pulling herself up into a semi-sitting position) Do you want to talk about it?
RJD: (lowers his voice) It was about Ritchie- I think I might be next!
WD: Next? Whatever are you talking about?
RJD: (counts on his hand) Steve, Craig, Gary, Mickey Lee, Tony- even Jimmy’s gone! (looks at his hands) Now I’m running out of fingers- and running out of time! (as he spots Wendy Dio begin to open her mouth) and honey, I’m not buying that story about him calling Ritchie ‘baldy’. It’s not like the guy not to take a joke.
WD: This is Ritchie we’re talking about.
RJD: (laughs) I know, but… There’s something more sinister afoot. Ever since that time, back in ’74, when Ritchie caught me alone in the dressing room- something hasn’t been right with me.
WD: (touches Ronnie James Dio’s arm) And you still can’t remember what happened?
RJD: He said ‘Hello, I think you’re a great singer’. Then left. I remember… All in black… White shoes!
Ronnie James Dio starts to go faint.
WD: Ronnie! (shakes him) Snap out of it!
RJD: Wha… sorry. (pauses) That’s all I can remember. I’m telling you- it was an omen. (jumps up out of bed) I’ll be just like the others!
WD: (comfortingly) Oh, no you won’t! You’ll still have a career.
RJD: (sulkily) Not funny.
WD: C’mon, you daft sod, come back to bed.
Ronnie James Dio looks at Wendy Dio submissively and crawls back between the sheets.
WD: Unless… (smiles seductively as she winds a lock of his hair around her fingers) You aren’t tired anymore…
RJD: (shakes his head wearily) Wendy, I’ve just woken up from a very vivid nightmare which involved my being tied up and gagged by Ritchie Blackmore, and then watching as he coquetted with Anne Robinson. (sighs) It’ll take my genitals a while to overcome that mental barrier.
Ronnie James Dio kisses Wendy Dio, and they both lie back down. But whilst Wendy Dio grumpily turns onto her side and falls asleep quickly, Ronnie James Dio’s eyes are still wide open in anxiety.
CUT TO:
Scene Forty-Eight: The studio once more. Ronnie James Dio wanders down the steps visible to the audience that lead to the studio. He looks quite rough and bleary eyed from lack of sleep. He opens the glass door that leads into the studio to find Ritchie Blackmore sitting on a chair, playing some maudlin romantic music on an acoustic guitar.
RB: Hey Ronnie, whaddya think? (plays ‘riff’ again) Think you could pen some words to that? Something to have the ladies reaching for the Kleenex?
Close up on Ronnie James Dio ensues, whilst the theme from ‘The Omen’ plays.
RB: (eyeing Ronnie James Dio suspiciously) Is everything okay?
RJD: (palpably lying through his teeth, but trying to cover it up) Erm… Yeah! Yeah, everything’s fine- couldn’t be better, in fact… I’m just going to… I need to take a leak. (looks around the studio for a moment, disorientated. He shakes his head and screws his eyes up as though to dispel some mental force) N… No, Ritchie- I don’t particularly like this radio-friendly stuff you’ve been working on recently. I mean the odd track- okay, but just don’t go overboard, yeah?
RB: (with a mix of shock and worry) Sure, erm… Not to worry Ronnie, Ron, James, me old mucker! (punches him playfully on the arm, but in the manner of one who rarely does such a thing)
RJD: (with a suspicious expression) Okay. I’ll be back in a minute.
Ronnie James Dio exits the room. Ritchie Blackmore tiptoes towards the door and surreptitiously cranes his head next to the window in order to ascertain he has, in fact, left the vicinity of the studio.
RB: (to himself, for the benefit of the audience) Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn! I’m losing control of him!
Cue wobbly edit that denotes a flashback scene.
CUT TO
Scene Forty-Nine: Flashback. The flashback in question is to a grotty dressing room. The legend ‘1974- The Deep Purple USA Tour’ appears in the usual font, briefly. The camera pans across the room to show Ronnie James Dio standing in front of a mirror, brushing his hair, which frizzes out on each stroke.
RJD: (with each brushstroke) Ninety seven, ninety eight, ninety nine…
Another figure, dressed in black with white shoes, carrying a white Fender Stratocaster, appears behind Ronnie James Dio in the mirror. Guess who, folks? Ronnie James Dio jumps in shock and turns around quickly.
RB: Hello.
RJD: Erm, hi.
RB: Y’know something? You’re a great singer.
RJD: (genuinely pleased) Thanks.
RB: (stands closer to Ronnie James Dio and rests his hands on the now perturbed singers hips) Really- you’ve got a quality that’s just missing from David and Glenn. I mean, sure, they’re good…
RJD: (with admiration) Glenn frighteningly so.
RB: Hmm, but you’ve got (leans his face closer to Ronnie James Dio’s ear with each adjective in an almost erotic manner that Ronnie James Dio looks upon with bemusement) rawness, power, emotional range… (inclines his head towards Ronnie James Dio’s throat) Originality.
RJD: (sniffs Ritchie Blackmore’s breath with a look of suspicion) Have you been…
At these words, Ritchie Blackmore sinks his teeth into Ronnie James Dio’s jugular, and far more blood than would even be released under the pressure of such a major artery splatters over the walls, Ritchie’s face and spurts down Ronnie James Dio’s throat and chest, until he resembles a burns patient in ‘ER’.
RJD: Ow! (in an irritated manner) What are you doing? (winces sharply in pain, then rolls his eyes slightly in their sockets as he begins to faint from lack of blood)
Whilst all this carnage is going on unseen in the support band’s dressing room, a familiar figure just happens to be passing by- hurrah! Roger Glover to the rescue!
RG: (off camera) What’s going on here?
Both Ronnie James Dio and Ritchie Blackmore turn to face the source of the accusation.
RG: (grabs Ritchie Blackmore’s arm roughly) What are you doing?
RB: (defensively) Nothing, I swear!
As the discourse continues, Ronnie James Dio continues to nonchalantly spurt blood from his throat in great, regularly occurring arcs.
RB: (trying to explain himself) All of a sudden, Ronnie’s throat just, erm… exploded! Yes, that’s it- exploded. The blood went everywhere!
RG: (incredulous) And coincidentally covered your mouth and chin?
RB: (nervously) Erm, I was inspecting the bulge at the time before suddenly… (makes a squelching sound with his mouth to indicate a bursting artery tearing through flesh)
Roger Glover is about to continue, but Ronnie James Dio’s hand tugging feebly at his shirtsleeve stops him.
RG: (turns to face the source of the tugging, and a spurt of blood hits his shirt) Good God!
RJD: (very pale and woozy) Erm, I think more of my blood is decorating this room than is actually in my circulatory system, and I distinctly remember my high school Biology lessons teaching me that wasn’t a good thing…
As he is explaining this to Roger Glover, Ritchie Blackmore starts to choke slightly. Surreptitiously coughing, he spits out a large chunk of flesh from Ronnie James Dio’s throat. Looking furtively around, he quickly hides it behind his back just before Roger Glover turns around.
RG: (to a passing roadie) Get an ambulance for this fellow!
Roger Glover, in true heroic fashion, rips his shirt off in one swift movement and uses it as a compress against Ronnie James Dio’s throat, as he holds a now unconscious Ronnie James Dio in his arms.
The wobbly ‘dream sequence’ style edit that ensues denotes the return of the action to Ritchie Blackmore in 1978.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty: Ritchie Blackmore flapping about in the studio, worried about Ronnie James Dio’s recent act of rebellion.
RB: (snaps his fingers) I’ve got to do something!
Ritchie Blackmore walks over to the coffee percolator, conveniently placed in the studio, and fills a coffee cup three quarters full. Placing the cup on a nearby table, he takes a penknife from his pocket and slashes a vein on his right wrist. He drips the blood into the cup, until it is full and stirs it with his finger.
RB: That ought to bring him fully under my power- ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaa!
Footsteps become audible, and are clearly denoting somebody is coming closer to the studio.
RB: Ah ha! Here he comes!
As the camera pans across to the door, we expect to see somebody enter the room. Instead, the business end of a .45mm Uzi pokes its inanimate head around the door, and volleys of shots are fired off. Ritchie Blackmore appears suitably shaken when the event is over.
RB: What the…
At this point, someone finally opens the door. Much to Ritchie Blackmore’s chagrin, it is Cozy Powell, and not the renegade singer he was expecting. He should be grateful- I’d much rather see Cozy Powell than the Uzi, were I in his situation, but there you go.
RB: Cozy? You’re not due in until about six o’clock this evening!
CP: Oh, I know, but I figured I’ve got my drum parts for the first track to do today, and I wanted to get them finished by Friday.
RB: Okay (looks furtively around) Here, can you give Ronnie this when he gets back? (hands Cozy Powell the coffee cup) I’ve got to get another plectrum.
CP: Okay.
RB: Just one thing- don’t tell him I made it.
CP: Erm, why?
RB: Oh, erm… Just a little practical joke I cooked up. He might twig if you say I’ve made it- he’s becoming a little suspicious of me.
CP: (sarcastically) Can’t think why, mate. (grins) Cool- don’t worry, you leave it to me!
RB: Thanks, I knew I could count on you.
Ritchie Blackmore leaves the room, and a few moments later, Ronnie James Dio returns.
RJD: (upon seeing Cozy Powell) Oh, hey Cozy. (looks around the room) Where’s Ritchie?
CP: Oh, haven’t seen him yet. Coffee? (hands Ronnie James Dio the offending cup)
RJD: (takes the cup) Cheers.
Ronnie James Dio starts to drink the coffee, but his expression indicates that perhaps it is a little off.
CP: Is everything okay?
RJD: (screws up his face in distaste) It tastes kinda salty- almost metallic.
CP: (suppressing sniggers) Does it?
RJD: Are you sure this is fresh?
CP: (looking hurt) Of course- I made it myself.
Cozy Powell’s expression does the trick- Ronnie James Dio feels guilty enough about commenting upon Cozy Powell’s coffee-making skills to drink the rest of the contents of the cup.
RJD: (as he gulps the last of the coffee down) Are you up for doing your drum parts for the first track now?
CP: You do your vocals for these five tracks first- you’ll be quicker.
RJD: Okay
Ronnie James Dio enters the soundproof booth and places the headphones on his head. At that moment, Ritchie Blackmore returns.
CP: (to Ritchie Blackmore) Nice one, Ritchie- the old ‘uns are always the best.
RB: (distracted) Hmm?
CP: The old salt and lead filings in the coffee? My mate caught me out with that one once (chuckles with the memory) God, we had a laugh about that one, once the effects of the stomach pump had worn off.
RB: Oh yes… Yes, of course! (laughs a little too loudly)
CP: Ritchie, are you sure you’re telling me everything?
RB: (snappily) Yes, everything- now go and do your drum parts. I’d quite like to be out of here by tomorrow evening.
CP: (with one of those annoying grins people use when they’ve found something about your demeanour incredibly amusing but aren’t going to tell you about it) Okay.
Cozy Powell walks towards his drum kit, out of earshot as Ritchie Blackmore begins to converse with Ronnie James Dio.
RB: (knocks on glass of recording booth, so Ronnie James Dio notices) Ronnie?
Ronnie James Dio, zombie like, stops what he’s doing, lifts his headphones off his head and opens the door out into the main studio area, padding subconsciously towards Ritchie Blackmore.
RJD: Yes master?
RB: ‘Ritchie’ will be fine, Ronnie. Now, how’s about writing those radio-friendly lyrics?
RJD: I’m on it, master… Erm, sorry- I mean Ritchie.
RB: Good boy. Now, run along and pen something in honour of your wife- how does that sound?
RJD: (in a flat, monotonous voice) Yes, master.
Ronnie James Dio wanders, trance like, out of the studio, clutching a pen and paper taken from a nearby table.
RB: (whilst rhythmically drumming his fingers together) Excellent.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-One: A local French café (seeing as they are recording at Le Chateaux D’Herouville). Wendy Dio is seated opposite Bob Daisley, and the two are in deep, sometimes heated, conversation.
WD: So, what exactly did Ritchie tell you had resulted in Jimmy Bain leaving the band?
BD: I… I dunno.
WD: (interrupting with impatience) Ritchie must have told you something!
BD: (with his head in his hands) He was pretty sketchy about the whole thing. Mentioned Jimmy’s alcoholism once or twice.
WD: (darkly) Some might say Ritchie drove him to drink.
BD: (looking directly at Wendy Dio) Now you’re being paranoid. Jimmy’s a Scotsman, and you know what they say- (laughs) you can lead a Scotsman to whiskey, but you can’t make him think. (glances at Wendy Dio incredulously) Why the sudden concern?
WD: I’m worried about Ronnie. He’s been acting really oddly- strange dreams in the night, the gaps in his memory, the strange scar on his neck he’s has since I first laid eyes on him that has yet to heal… He even tried on my stockings and suspenders today… (pauses thoughtfully) although that could have the work of curiosity and two bottles of the local wine. (runs her finger through her hair in despair) I mean, what’s next? Love songs?
BD: And you think Jimmy might have had a hand in it?
WD: Maybe, no… Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps by putting ideas in his head, conspiracy theories and the like. Perhaps it’s got to him.
Suddenly, a figure appears from the mist that has inexplicably appeared at the end of the café, and stands next to the table at which Wendy Dio and Bob Daisley are seated. The camera shot remains upon his back so the audience are unaware of who the mysterious visitor might be. Then, as the figure starts to speak, the camera whirls around to zoom in on his face. It turns out to be none other than Jimmy Bain! Well, you know what they say about speaking of the devil.
JB: Perhaps it’s Ritchie that’s getting to him.
Both Wendy Dio and Bob Daisley look up at the person to whom the voice can be attached and are both startled and relieved in equal measure. Except Jimmy Bain is not looking too well- he appears pale, drawn and malnourished.
WD: Jimmy! (takes a look at his features) Christ, you look dreadful! (pause) Wait a second, you died!
JB: (points to the bags under his eyes) This wasn’t the booze, Wendy, nor the drugs- Ritchie did this to me. And as soon as Ronnie disagrees with his musical vision, whatever that is, Ritchie will do it to him. I’m one of the lucky ones.
WD: Lucky?
JB: (darkly) I was killed quickly.
Wendy mulls over Jimmy Bain’s words, but is unable to make sense of them.
WD: (with a natural amount of suspicion) So, you are really dead, then?
JB: Yes- I’ve been given twenty minutes to avenge my death. (pause) It would’ve been twenty-four hours, but I got into a serious game of poker with the Grim Reaper. I mean (chuckles) I knew he was a chess wizard, but nobody warned me he was a poker whiz. Mind you, he has got those large sleeves…
BD: (staring angrily at Jimmy Bain) Now look here, Jimmy, just because you’ve got a case of sour grapes over getting the sack…
JB: (interrupts) You don’t want to listen Bob, then fine- I know you’ll end up just like the rest of us, and if you do survive, the power will be over you forever, draining you, forcing you into making bad musical decisions, such as signing away all your royalties to an album you’ve written and played on. (to Wendy Dio) Have you seen Steve Edwards?
WD: N… no, never… There was an accident...
JB: (interrupts) Ritchie knocked that kerosene lamp over on purpose.
WD: (gasps) Good God!
JB: And do you think that incident with Mickey Lee Soule in his hotel room was the work of a stranger?
WD: I see… What about Gary?
JB: Oh, the blow he took to the head from his drum riser? Ritchie forgot the fundamentals of being a drummer- he sustained no noticeable brain damage. He was lucky- he took his chance and escaped. But the others…
WD: But Ronnie! (starts to cry)
JB: (puts a comforting arm around Wendy Dio) He has one thing going for him- Ritchie wants him badly. The others… finding someone to play on bass or keyboards is a lot easier than finding a replacement singer that the existing fan base will like. But that also means he is in grave danger from Ritchie’s power.
WD: (wipes her eyes defiantly) Right- what can I do to save my husband?
JB: I can’t say. All I can do is tell you that you will work it out, somehow. You’ve always been good at that sort of thing… Well, you were always the first to work out who the murderer was in a ‘Poirot’ film.
WD: But Jimmy, I need help!
JB: I have to go… I cannot stay any longer in this realm, Wendy…
Jimmy Bain retreats silently, walking backwards into the mist that inexplicably enveloped part of the café earlier. About five seconds later, he returns just as eerily to Wendy Dio and Bob Daisley’s table.
JB: (points at Wendy Dio’s plate) Ooh, are those Danish pastries?
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Two: Ronnie James Dio and Wendy Dio’s hotel room. Ronnie James Dio is sitting on the edge of their bed, strumming a guitar. Wendy Dio enters the room with bags of shopping, clearly from the style of said bags she has been shopping in small designer boutiques.
WD: (as she dumps her purchases in the corner of the room) Hi Ronnie, everything okay?
RJD: Fine, why shouldn’t it?
WD: (nervously) No reason, b…
RJD: (interrupting her) What did you buy?
WD: Hmm? Oh (looks at shopping) half of Paris, I think.
Ronnie James Dio laughs softly, then proceeds to strum his guitar and sing a portion of ‘Rainbow Eyes’.
WD: (to Ronnie James Dio) What’s that you’re singing?
RJD: Oh, just a song for Ritchie… I mean, it’s about you, but it’s going to go on the album. It’s the last track to do before we mix it.
WD: (incredulously) A love song? About me? For the album?
RJD: (rests his guitar against the foot of the bed, and looks at Wendy Dio clearly) Sure. Why not?
WD: N… No, no reason. (pauses) Erm, can I take a look at the lyrics you’ve been penning?
RJD: (laughs and pulls Wendy Dio to sit on his lap) Why the sudden interest in my work- so you want to manage me?
WD: (laughs) Don’t be bloody stupid! I’m just… curious. That last piece isn’t the kind of thing you normally go for.
RJD: Maybe marriage is mellowing me.
WD: (begins to flick through Ronnie Jams Dio’s notebook) These are really not your usual… ‘I could’ve let her in, Give her just a spin, Let her think it’s love…’?
RJD: (jumping to his defence a little too zealously) It was just a one-off- remember ‘Do You Close Your Eyes?’
WD: (continuing to read) ‘Rainbow Eyes’, (with incredulity) ‘Since You’ve Been Gone’?
RJD: That’s just a first draft…
WD: (grabs Ronnie James Dio’s arms and makes his face her) Ronnie, Ritchie put you up to this, didn’t he?
RJD: (with indignation) Of course not! The Master has no bearing on this…
WD: (eyes widening) What did you just say?
RJD: (guiltily, but still affronted) What? When?
WD: (with vexation) Just.
RJD: Ritchie has no bearing on my writing.
WD: (points at him accusingly) No you didn’t! You called him ‘The Master’!
RJD: (stands up with indignation) I did not! That is ridiculous!
WD: (stands up to match… well, exceed, Ronnie James Dio in height) I know what I heard- are you accusing me of lying?
RJD: No! (pause) Wait, yes… (sighs) why do you always do that? You know whichever way I answer, I can’t win- if I say no, I said what you say I did, if I say yes, then I’m calling you a liar- in which case I might as well book my hospital bed right now.
WD: I say it, because I know it works. Now, (holds Ronnie James Dio’s arms once more and gets him to sit down on the bed) tell me what’s going on.
RJD: Nothing, really. (pauses) Everything’s fine.
WD: (glances suspiciously at Ronnie James Dio) Well, I guess I don’t really believe you. (gets up) I’m just going to get my coat from the studio- I remember leaving it there this morning when I went to say goodbye to you.
RJD: Do you want me to get it?
WD: No, thank you. I think I could do with the walk. When I get back, I hope you’ll open up to me a bit more.
Wendy Dio starts to open the door.
RJD: (stands up again) Honestly, Wendy, I’m telling you all I know!
Wendy Dio shuts the door behind her. Ronnie James Dio slumps back down onto the bed, reaches over to find his guitar again, and, after debating whether to play it or not, eventually just cradles it as a comfort.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Three: The studio which Rainbow have been working in. It is dimly lit, as Wendy soon discovers as she opens the door and creeps inside. She is drenched- a thunderstorm has been raging outside, and can still be heard inside the building.
WD: (whispering to herself) Now, where did I put it?
As Wendy Dio rummages around various chairs, radiators and coat stands, a hand reaches out holding her coat.
WD: (to the shadowy figure) Oh, thank you.
Wendy Dio double takes- it’s Ritchie Blackmore, and he doesn’t seem too pleased with her company.
WD: (fearfully) Ritchie, what are you doing here so late?
A flash of lightening illuminates the room for a split second- long enough for Wendy Dio to see the lifeless body of Bob Daisley on the floor, and Ritchie Blackmore’s hands covered in blood.
WD: (gasps loudly) Oh my God! Y… You!
RB: (remains in his imposing stance) I always knew you were trouble- especially after watching ‘Poirot’ with you that one night. I had him in the palm of my hand until you came along…
WD: (interrupts Ritchie Blackmore, and is clearly in complete shock) You killed them all.
RB: (hisses) You little bitch! (angrily) You’ve ruined my plans for Ronnie thus far…
Ritchie Blackmore smashes his fist, backhand style, into an emergency case fitted against the wall, which contains a heavy duty axe not of the musical variety. He grasps the axe in his blood stained hands, and grimaces evilly.
RB: And now, I’m going to make sure you don’t foil me this time!
Wendy Dio gulps, then turns to run full pelt out of the studio and out into the hotel corridor, with Ritchie Blackmore in not pursuit, wielding the axe. The camera keeps on Wendy Dio as she kicks off her high heels to increase her speed, with Ritchie Blackmore closing in behind her. He trips all of a sudden and finds himself flat on his face with the axe jammed into the floorboards. As Ritchie Blackmore is struggling to pull the axe free, Wendy Dio stops running, turns to face him and points at him, laughing. Ritchie Blackmore, after struggling for about thirty seconds with this axe, gives up and smashes his fist through the glass of another conveniently placed case containing an axe. As Ritchie Blackmore grabs the new axe he grins maniacally at Wendy Dio, his eyes glinting. Wendy Dio, faced with this, suddenly turns and beings her full pelt flee in fear once more, until she reaches her hotel room, where she bangs frantically on the door.
WD: (whilst banging on the door) Ronnie! Ronnie! For God’s sake open the door! It’s me, hurry!
RJD: (casually opens the door) What’s the matter? (jokingly) Need the toilet?
Wendy Dio pushes frantically past him, grabs him sharply to drag him inside, and slams the door closed, bolting it from the inside.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Four: Ronnie and Wendy Dio’s hotel room. We’ve been here before, so what more can I say?
WD: (clutching Ronnie James Dio so hard, he’s almost asphyxiating) Ronnie, he’s trying to kill me!
RJD: (whilst trying to calm Wendy Dio down) Who is?
WD: Ritchie! He’s got an axe and he chased me up here…
RJD: (puts his arms around Wendy Dio and hushes her) It’s alright, you’re safe now.
Ahem, yeah. A dull thudding sound begins to shake the room.
RJD: What’s that? Is he trying to get through the door?
Wendy Dio shakes her head wildly and points at the wall next to the door, which is beginning to crumble, and has plaster flying off it. A hole forms in the wall, large enough for a man to walk through, and certainly large enough for Ritchie to pop his head through.
RB: (whilst grinning maniacally) Heeeeeere’s Ritchie!
RJD: (gobsmacked) Oh. My. God.
WD: I told you!
RB: (looks at the surrounding chaos) I’m awfully sorry about the mess. I did knock, but you evidently didn’t hear me, and I so dislike being kept waiting.
Wendy Dio hides behind Ronnie James Dio, somewhat ironically, as she is taller that him. Ritchie Blackmore steps through the rubble, axe gripped in his hands, and smiles at Wendy Dio.
RB: (derisively) Oh, how sweet! But ultimately pointless and, might I add, particularly ironic.
WD: (with vexation) What are you talking about?
RB: (ignoring her) Ronnie, move away from the woman.
Suddenly, Ronnie James Dio freezes, and his eyes glaze over. Zombie-like, he lets go of Wendy Dio and walks towards Ritchie Blackmore.
RB: Very good. Now-
Ritchie Blackmore hands Ronnie James Dio a knife.
RB: Take this knife…
Ronnie James Dio takes the knife in his right hand.
WD: (to Ronnie James Dio) Ronnie, what are you doing?
RB: Walk towards Wendy.
Ronnie James Dio obeys.
WD: (to Ritchie Blackmore, with anger in her voice) What have you done to him?
RB: (smiling humourlessly) And kill her.
Ronnie James Dio, with his glazed eyes, lunges at Wendy Dio, who ducks to avoid the blade of the knife.
WD: (from behind a chair) Bloody hell!
RB: (laughs in an evil nemesis manner) Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together?
WD: You…
The audience doesn’t actually hear the words Wendy Dio utters after that, as she smashes a large vase over Ritchie Blackmore’s head, quite noisily. Suffice to say, the words in question are probably fairly naughty, and you can put your own to that sequence anyway. Ritchie Blackmore falls to the floor as a result, and is lying there unconscious. Oddly enough, Ronnie James Dio has done the same. Wendy Dio kneels down and tries to revive Ronnie James Dio.
RJD: (as he begins to come around) Wha… what happened?
WD: (slaps Ronnie James Dio hard across the face) You bastard! You utter, utter bastard! What were you thinking?
RJD: Wha… Wendy, what do you mean?
WD: (angrily) You know perfectly well, mister.
RJD: (dazed) I don’t…
WD: Trying to kill me? Since when did I agree to that one during our wedding vows? I remember you vowing to love, honour and cherish me, but never vowing to stab me with a kitchen knife!
RJD: (looking blankly at the knife in his hands) I don’t remember…
WD: (standing up, and walking away from Ronnie James Dio) Oh, yes- that’s what they all say! (whirls around on her heels to face Ronnie James Dio once more) How dare you try and disembowel me! And to think…
Wendy Dio pauses and looks at both a palpably confused Ronnie James Dio and an unconscious Ritchie Blackmore.
WD: (to Ronnie James Dio) You really don’t remember, do you?
Ronnie James Dio looks numbly at Wendy Dio.
WD: Ronnie, can you remember what happened back at your first meeting with Ritchie?
RJD: (shakes his head) I keep telling you- I can’t!
WD: (grabs him by the arms and shakes him) Try, God damn it!
RJD: I remember ‘Hi, you’re a great singer’… it’s kinda sketchy after that, I think… Oh wait (clutches his forehead) Yes, blood. There was blood.
WD: (puzzled) Blood?
RJD: Everywhere- all over the floor, on the walls…
WD: (interrupting) Whose blood?
RJD: I’m not sure… (pauses) Oh wait, yes I am (another pause) it was mine.
Ronnie James Dio, upon remembering this fact, double takes and promptly faints once more.
WD: (whilst nudging Ronnie James Dio with her foot) Oh, for Christ’s sake- am I the only one here capable of retaining consciousness?
The camera zooms in on Ritchie Blackmore, whose eyes have blinked open wildly. As Wendy Dio paces, vexed, around the room, her back to Ritchie Blackmore, he gets to his feet and grabs the axe once more, aiming for Wendy Dio. As he gets closer, he swings it above his head and is about to strike.
WD: (bends down) Oh look, a penny.
Ritchie Blackmore smashes the axe into the wall behind Wendy Dio and is stuck fast. Wendy Dio doesn’t notice, and instead tries to get Ronnie James Dio out of the room. Failing in her attempts to raise him into consciousness, she tries pulling him up into a seated position, but to no avail. Finally, accepting defeat, she grabs him by under his arms and proceeds to drag him out into the hallway.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Five: Hallway of the hotel. Just like any other hotel you might imagine, save for the gaping hole reaching into Wendy Dio and Ronnie James Dio’s hotel room.
WD: (sotto, and with sarcasm) All we need now is for Blackmore to bring Roger Glover into Rainbow.
Off camera, Ritchie Blackmore giggles with manic triumph. Suddenly, a blast of gunfire smashes into the near-by wall. We see Ritchie Blackmore run past Wendy and Ronnie James Dio quickly, having given up on trying to retrieve his axe and having realised that the gun fire was aimed at him. Ronnie James Dio hasn’t noticed, being unconscious still. Wendy Dio, however, has.
WD: What the… (whilst drumming her fingers together) Excellent.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Six: The studio, next morning. Ritchie Blackmore is having a band meeting. Everyone is looking confused, except for Ronnie James Dio, who wears a pale, troubled look on his face. The large scar on his neck is a little smaller than before- it appears to be healing up.
RB: Right, well, Bob has now… erm… departed from the band…
CP: (interrupting) What, already? (nudges David Stone) Here, I owe you a fiver. Thought this line up would last until at least Thursday.
RB: (eyeballs Cozy Powell) Anyway, I employed a new bassist today and I’d like you all to meet him.
Roger Glover enters the room, and a reverent hush passes through the congregation of musicians.
RG: Hello everyone (notices Ronnie James Dio) Good God Ronnie, are you all right? You look dreadful!
Ronnie James Dio, in his dazed and confused state, turns to Ritchie Blackmore who nods slowly, as one might to a small child asking why the sky is blue.
RJD: (monotonous) Yes, I’m fine.
RG: (clearly unconvinced) You look very pale.
RJD: (same monotone) I’ve probably just come down with the ‘flu.
RG: Ronnie, do you mind if we retire to your room? I really need to check my bass lines over with this melody you’ve written...
RB: (interrupting, with slight agitation, though trying to conceal it with a pleasant demeanour) Why, surely you can do that here, Roger?
RG: (equally forced pleasant demeanour) No, I couldn’t. (takes Ronnie James Dio’s arm) Come along now.
RJD: Eh? I’m older than you, so why treat me like I’m a small child?
RG: Because you fit fifty percent of that criteria, now follow me.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Seven: Hotel room of Wendy and Ronnie James Dio. Wendy Dio is already there, waiting for Ronnie James Dio and Roger Glover. A small group of builders leave the scene, and it is evident that some repair work on the gaping hole in their wall has been taking place, as the hole is now blocked up, albeit free of any decoration.
WD: (to Roger Glover) You took your time!
RG: I didn’t want Ritchie getting suspicious.
Roger Glover unbuttons Ronnie James Dio’s shirt.
RG: Now, lets take a look here…
He stops and fingers the scar on Ronnie James Dio’s throat.
RG: (to himself) Hmm, it’s definitely got smaller than the last time I… Uh oh.
WD: (worriedly) What? What do you mean ‘uh oh’?
RG: When someone’s been bitten by a vampire the way Ronnie has, the scar only starts to heal when they’re going through the change….
WD: Wait- did you just say a vampire?
RG: Yes- Ritchie Blackmore has often said he’s a musical vampire, but most people never suspected he meant it literally.
WD: (sits down in shock) Oh my God- my poor Ronnie… (pauses as she mulls over Roger Glover’s original words) Hang on, when you say going through the change, I’m right in suspecting you aren’t referring to any feminine hormonal transformation, right?
RG: I’m afraid you are right, Wendy. The change is when the victim- in this case Ronnie here- is turning over to the other side, and starts to become a musical vampire themselves. Somehow, he must have drunk Ritchie’s blood- that’s the only way this could happen.
WD: (impressed) Wow! Did you figure all this out whilst working with Ritchie in Deep Purple?
RG: Nah, I saw it in ‘Dracula’- but the point is not lost. We’re losing him, and fast.
WD: (upset) Oh no!
Wendy Dio glances towards Ronnie James Dio, who has got up and started rifling through her underwear drawer.
WD: Oh frig, not again Ronnie! If you even think of putting those stockings on after I’ve just washed them…
RG: Stockings? When did this start?
WD: (scratches her head) Oh, only a couple of weeks ago- shortly after we came here, actually. Why?
RG: He’s feeling what Ritchie feels- he’s the only man I know to willingly talk about hosiery. In that case, he can probably see what Ritchie is seeing too- and vice versa. It’s a common experience that occurs during the turning of a victim. It’s mainly to prevent people like us from stopping the change and curing him.
WD: (excitedly) So it’s possible, then?
RG: There’s a small sliver of hope.
WD: What will happen if he turns, anyway?
RG: (pulls a book out of his pocket, and flicks through it, until he finds the section he wants) Well… reddening of the face due to the collapse of capillaries, the septum of the nose will disintegrate… (pauses) Oh, wait, that’s cocaine abuse. No (flicks to another section of the book)- turning consists of a sudden aversion to Bachmann-Turner Overdrive, an inability to pass any speaker from which the Radio One chart countdown is blaring out and instant death caused by exposure to Lionel Ritchie. Along with the usual lust for other musicians blood, the fangs and the pseudo-erotic feeding, there’s also a full empathic link established between the newly sired vampire and his or her sire- that would be Ritchie- that begins to develop from roughly one quarter of the way into the victims full transformation. Well, that’s one good piece of news- at least we can be certain Ronnie isn’t too far-gone for us to save him.
RJD: (pale and lethargic looking) Perhaps we can use this to our advantage. S… sometimes, if I concentrate really hard, I can sort of… I dunno- ‘feel’ where Ritchie is and what he’s doing.
WD: What’s he doing now?
Ronnie James Dio screws up his features in concentration. As clarity is obtained and he sees Ritchie’s actions, his facial expression changes to an ugly mix of fear and disgust.
RJD: It’s too hideous to pry into any deeper.
RG: (grimaces, then to Ronnie James Dio) You haven’t much time. We’ve got to get you out of here. (to both Wendy and Ronnie James Dio) I suggest we meet at midnight outside the Chateaux L’Herouville. With Ronnie’s burgeoning connection with Ritchie, we’ll be able to lure him out.
RJD: (in a slightly odd voice) How? Have you got a plan?
RG: Yes, but I’m not telling you, not with your big ‘I know what he’s thinking and vice-versa’ connection you’ve now developed with Ritchie. You’re just going to have to trust me.
RJD: (in a very odd voice) You bastard, Glover- I’ll have you mounted on my mantelpiece!
RG: (to Ronnie James Dio) Ronnie, tell Ritchie that he’s going to have to do better than that if he wants to scare me.
RJD: (heads for the door) Okay.
RG: No, no, no Ronnie (grabs his arm and leads him away from the door) I meant he’ll be able to hear me by entering your subconscious now he’s in the process of turning you into one of his kind.
RJD: Oh.
WD: (interrupting) Why are we meeting at midnight, anyway? Surely that’s prime hunting time for a vampire?
RG: Not a musical vampire- especially when the Tuesday Night Rock Show is on.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Eight: Midnight outside the Chateau D’Herouville. Ronnie James Dio is sitting cross-legged on a grass verge, surrounded by a circle of Barry Manilow singles entitled ‘Mandy’- lets face it, nothing musical will come near those. Wendy Dio is sat with him, arms wrapped protectively around her husband, whilst brandishing a copy of ‘NME’ magazine (the paragon of Indie virtue). Roger Glover is standing on the nearby gravel path, wearing, amongst his normal clothes, a long tweed coat which clearly contains weapons of some form.
RJD: (to Roger Glover) Ritchie’s arriving, I can feel him.
WD: (with mock indignation) Oh, he’s arriving, is he? You don’t get much posher than that! (As Ronnie James Dio and Roger Glover look at her with distaste) What? I’m just trying to inject a bit of humour into an otherwise quite sombre occasion.
RJD: (looks at Wendy Dio in horror) Wendy! If this doesn’t work, tomorrow I’ll be amongst the living dead! (pauses) I suppose I could make a career out of being a talk-show host, though. (another pause) He’s getting out of his car- Roger, he’s walking towards the gate!
RG: Quickly, we haven’t got much time. (to Wendy Dio) Wendy, have you got your copy of ‘NME’?
WD: Yes, right here.
RG: Good. Now keep that in your hands, and whatever you do, don’t let Ronnie leave this circle of Barry Manilow records or let Ritchie enter it. Got that?
WD: (salutes) Loud and clear.
RJD: What do you want me to do?
RG: Ronnie, I want you to remain a normal, happy, mortal member of the human race.
RJD: Okay (pauses). Can I still ask Wendy to dress up as…
RG: (interrupting hastily) Yes, as long as I don’t have to hear about it.
RJD: (to Roger Glover) What are you going to do?
RG: I?
RG: I am going to give Ritchie a taste of his own medicine- (to the camera) and sever his link with Ronnie once and for all!
A sudden, random lightening flash occurs, and Ritchie Blackmore appears, directly facing Roger Glover, clad in typical black, with his pilgrim hat and long flowing coat.
RB: So, Roger, we meet again.
RG: Ill met by moonlight, methinks.
RB: Don’t get using Shakespearean quotations on me, Sonny Jim- All I ask of you is that wee little singer over there (points at Ronnie James Dio). Will you deny me such a small token?
The camera zoom in on Ritchie Blackmore’s eyes, which glow a radioactive green colour.
RG: Oh no you don’t! You won’t get anywhere with that old ‘hypnotic stare’ routine- it’s as old hat as the one on your head!
Roger Glover points to Ritchie Blackmore’s pilgrim hat.
RB: I’ll have you know this is authentic! How dare you mock its craftsmanship!
Ritchie Blackmore pauses, the casts his glance once more across to Ronnie James Dio, ensconced in his circle of Barry Manilow singles. Grinning triumphantly, he stalks his way to the circle.
RB: No matter Roger, if you won’t bring Ronnie to me, then I’ll just have to go and…
Ritchie Blackmore tries to force his hand towards Ronnie James Dio in order to grab him, but finds he cannot pass the circle.
RB: (after trying to pass the circle several times) Oh bother!
WD: You leave him alone, Blackmore!
Again, another volley of bullets whistles past Ritchie Blackmore’s ear. He ducks out of the way, and Wendy Dio looks across in Roger Glover’s direction, believing him to be the perpetrator. Yet Roger Glover has clearly performed no such action.
WD: (to herself) Who keeps doing that?
Ritchie Blackmore’s gaze rests upon the singles in recognition.
RB: (laughs menacingly) Of course, how could I be so naïve.
Ritchie Blackmore takes a large rock and throws it at the circle. It’s a good aim- it breaks one of the singles, leaving a gap, and thus destroying the power of Barry Manilow’s anti-music. He swoops down close to Ronnie James Dio and grabs his arm sharply. Ritchie Blackmore then continues to taunt Wendy Dio.
RB: (to Wendy Dio) Give it up, dear lady- he’s mine now, sooner than you’ll know- ah, ha ha ha haaaaa!
Wendy Dio looks downhearted for a moment, until clearly, an idea suddenly pops into her head.
WD: (starts to sing) ‘Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl…’
RB: (clutching his ears in agony) Arrrgh! My ears!
WD: (having continued with her rendition of ‘Copacabana’) ‘Down at the Copa- Copacabana…’
Ritchie Blackmore tumbles down the grass verge, screaming in agony at this unexpected assault of anti-music. However, more to Wendy Dio and Roger Glover’s horror, Ronnie James Dio is equally moaning in pain. Suddenly, Ronnie James Dio stops howling in agony, and looks over Wendy Dio’s shoulders. The audience sees that he has sprouted large fangs, and is about to find a prime teething toy in the shape of Wendy Dio’s neck.
WD: (on sensing Ronnie James Dio’s rather intimate presence) Oi, kinky- I warned you about doing this in public before…
RG: (to Wendy Dio) Wendy! The change is upon him! For God’s sake, don’t let him near your neck, or we’ll never get him back!
WD: What? (notices Ronnie James Dio) Oh shit- get off me, you tart!
A battle of wills- or rather, a battle between Wendy and Ronnie James Dio for custody of her neck ensues. After about two minutes of Wendy Dio pushing Ronnie James Dio’s face away from her shoulder area and pulling his head away from her neck by his hair, she finally jams her copy of ‘NME’ in his mouth (well, it’s a far better option that actually reading the thing). Ronnie James Dio’s mouth starts to hiss, and as smoke wisps off his lips, he begins to scream in agony, albeit his cries are smothered by way of Wendy Dio’s faithful copy of ‘NME’ .
WD: (winces in sympathy pains) Sorry honey, but you’ll thank me in the morning.
Whilst Ronnie James Dio cradles himself in pain, Roger Glover and Ritchie Blackmore carry on their fight, except that Ritchie Blackmore is visibly weakened by Ronnie James Dio’s incapacitation.
RG: (smiling) I always knew the empathic link would finally be your downfall, Blackmore. Now to end this once and for all!
Roger Glover pulls out a hefty twelve-bore rifle from under his coat and blows Ritchie Blackmore’s brains out. Ritchie Blackmore rolls down the hill, and a splash is heard upon his body making contact with the water.
WD: (looking slightly disappointed) Oh- I was expecting something a bit more ethereal and magical, rather than… well, first-degree manslaughter, really.
Wendy Dio looks down at Ronnie James Dio, who has returned to his former glory- he is no longer pale, scarred or showing any other signs of having once delved into the land of the living dead, and is now fit as a fiddle. Well, except for the fact that his mouth is all blistered and burned and he’s having difficulty standing up.
RG: (runs over to Ronnie James Dio) Are you all right?
RJD: (muffled) My mouth!
WD: (gently touches his lips with her fingers) Ooh, you poor baby! I’m so sorry, but I didn’t want you to become a musical vampire.
RJD: (muffled) S’okay.
RG: Just give him an ice pack to suck when you get back to your hotel room.
WD: Oh, thank you Roger- how can we repay you?
RG: No thanks needed, my dear. But I do have one suggestion- that you both get out of here as soon as possible. Ritchie could strike back at any moment.
RJD: (muffled) But you just blew his brains out!
RG: Have you not seen any of the ‘Dracula’ films? Mark my words, he’ll find a way back into our world- it took Christopher Lee about seven films to finally snuff it for good.
WD: But what about you Roger?
RG: I’ll be fine- Ritchie hasn’t killed me for foiling his plans yet. (smiles proudly) this is my fourth time, you know. I’ll be up for a life service award soon.
Wendy Dio glances at the markings left on the grass by the unknown marksman (or woman) who was spraying bullets earlier.
WD: Roger?
RG: Hmm?
WD: Do you know anything about these bullet marks?
RG: (examines the marks with an air of curiosity) Well… (sudden recognition flashes upon his features) Ah ha! (to Wendy Dio) Has this happened before?
WD: Yeah.
RG: Of course- it’s the competition!
WD: Eh?
Roger Glover fishes out a magazine from his top pocket. The title, which is clearly visible to the audience, reads ‘Vampire Hunter Monthly’. Ritchie Blackmore is on the cover, alongside such headlines as ‘Religious Symbols- Tried And Tested’ and ‘How I Defeated Lestat With A Paper Clip And A Copy Of The Sunday Times’.
WD: He’s ‘Vampire Bounty of the Month’. I think there’s a bottle of Chardonnay and a trip for two to Tahiti on offer for the captor…
They all walk back to the hotel, unaware of the distinct splashing sounds coming from the river. The camera pans across to Ritchie Blackmore, who stands up, soaking wet, in the river, and, after some fairly hefty coughing, finally spits out a fish.
RB: Ah ha! You may have won this battle, but you’ll never win the war! Since when did a musician need brains? I’ll be back, Glover- I’ll be back!
Ritchie Blackmore pauses, and flicks through a holiday brochure he has found in his back pocket.
RB: After I’ve taken a break in Mauritius.
Ritchie Blackmore wanders off into the distance, circling various package holiday options with his finger.
CUT TO:
Scene Fifty-Nine: Roger Glover standing at a payphone, with his ear pressed to the phone, for he’s speaking to Ronnie James Dio. Our faithful blood red font appears, bearing the legend ‘One Year Later’.
RG: (down the telephone receiver) So, Ronnie, how’s life in L.A?
RJD: (his voice crackles over the ‘phone) Oh, great Roger- it’s warm and the sky is blue! I’m very happy- though it took Wendy a while to adjust. All the clear blue skies and constant sun- (laughs) I don’t think she’s seen so much good weather, except in the news.
RG: I’m glad everything worked out for you both.
CUT TO:
Scene Sixty: The balcony of a flat in L.A. Ronnie James Dio is standing on the balcony, hanging half way out of the door leading into the flat itself, as he is on the phone, and it’s cord will not allow him to move any further forward. Wendy Dio is sitting in a nearby chair, enjoying the sunny weather.
RJD: (to the phone receiver) Yeah, it’s been really good.
RG: (his voice crackles over the ‘phone) Have you got any work lined up? It must have taken a bit of getting used to- not being in such a well-known band anymore.
RJD: Funny, but not really. I just went back to working in bar bands again- I was working in two up until yesterday (laughs triumphantly).
RG: (laughing over the telephone) I hear that cheeky laugh- what’s happened?
RJD: I got a great offer, and I’ve said yes.
CUT TO:
Scene Sixty-One: Roger Glover and his payphone once more.
RG: (over the phone) So, what is this great offer?
RJD: (voice cracking over the telephone. Again.) Ozzy Osbourne’s left Black Sabbath, and Tony Iommi ‘phoned me up a few weeks ago to see if I’d like to work with him… anyway, the nub of the matter is I’m now in Black Sabbath, working with another mysterious, yet supremely talented guitarist with a fabled reputation! How great is that?
The camera focuses on Roger Glover’s horror-stricken face, zooming closer and closer in as the ‘shower scene’ theme music from ‘Psycho’ plays.
The End… Or is it?
Yes, actually, it is.